How Jesus Carried Me Through Deep Loneliness

You would think that with all the new ways of communicating at our disposal, thanks to the internet, social connections would be thriving. And yet, the opposite is true. Loneliness is rampant, and research has shown that young people, especially, don’t know how to talk with each other. Isolation, obviously, is nothing new, but it appears to have taken on monstrous proportions. So how can we deal with it? I’d like to share a time in my life when I felt terribly alone and how God helped me through it.

Our teenage years are rough enough without adding the stress and trauma of a move. When I was fourteen, I was living in France because my parents worked there. It was the only country I knew. I attended public school and was involved in my church. In short, life was good. Until the day my parents sat my brother and me down and told us we were moving to the US … in two weeks!

 My world came crashing down.

Before I knew it, I was on a plane to Philadelphia, feeling like I was headed to my death. Yes, I had been to the States for summer vacations, but I had never lived there. Okay, maybe I had lived in the States until I was four, but I didn’t remember it, so it didn’t really count. I didn’t know anyone my age, didn’t know the youth slang or culture, and was terribly shy.

Not a good combination.

Our sudden move was due to my mother’s deteriorating health. She had several extended hospital stays, so she couldn’t help me. I can’t imagine what my poor father was going through at the time, but I didn’t think about it then—I was too absorbed in my own misery.

Making friends was difficult during those first years back in the States. I didn’t understand the other teens, and they didn’t understand me. To be clear, I’m not blaming anyone for my isolation. There were those who reached out, but my pain and shyness made me unable to reciprocate.

As you can imagine, I was terribly lonely, more so than I had ever felt before or since. It was as if I were caught in an invisible force field that kept everyone away.

Yet in the mess of my life, Jesus reached down and settled in, becoming the friend I so desperately needed.

You may wonder how I could befriend and find comfort in someone I couldn’t see or touch. To explain, we must first go back three years earlier.

During a church service I still remember well, I chose to repent, trust Jesus, and follow him. Even at the ripe old age of eleven, I experienced the cleansing work of his presence—I stopped cursing, for starters. For the next few years, I admit I wasn’t necessarily focused on my relationship with Jesus, and he felt more or less distant.

Until I needed him.

I’m not going to lie and say that he took my loneliness away. I still felt lonely, but its sharp edges were gone—jagged edges that left my heart bleeding and in despair. Instead, he gave me the comfort and strength to endure. Sure, I had no human friends, but I knew he was with me.

There were times when I remember I was sitting on my bed, bombarded by negative and cruel thoughts that came at me from all directions, but whenever I prayed, those destructive missives lost their power and landed harmlessly at my feet. Jesus’ presence shielded me, and I shudder to think what would have happened to me if he hadn’t been in my life.

Jesus not only protected me but also, little by little, helped me change so I could deal with my pain and keep it from damaging my relationships with others. The more I healed, the easier it became to form friendships.

Does this mean I was never lonely again?

Of course not. But I was never alone.

God can help us deal with loneliness because, at its core, Christianity is a relationship with God. He made us in his image and knows better than we do what we need. He loves us and desires to fill us with his presence so that loneliness never has the last word.

I’m not going to sugarcoat it—entering into a relationship with God involves surrender. He is holy, and we’re not. Therefore, we need to acknowledge our sin problem and submit to the one who is the solution—Jesus. Faith and repentance go hand in hand, and we can’t have one without the other.

Is it worth it?

Absolutely!

I compare it to choosing to follow the only one who can lead us safely through a minefield to the other side. Not only does he help us avoid destructive traps that are just waiting to blow up in our faces, but after our time on earth is done, he brings us to spend eternity with him.

God didn’t create us just for this earth, but for the next one as well. He wants what’s best for us. He loves us more than we could ever imagine. What he gives is so much more than anything we could ever give up, but the choice to follow him is ours.

Many decades have passed since that terrible first year in the States, and I have never regretted my decision to trust and follow Jesus. There have been good days and bad days, times of rejoicing and times of mourning, but through it all, he’s been faithfully by my side.

And I’ve never been alone.