I was the new kid at my high school and stuck out like a sore thumb. My classmates couldn’t understand me, and I couldn’t understand them. Shy and insecure, I was easy prey for those with a mean streak, which led to several instances of bullying and ridicule. Although it happened only a few times, it nonetheless left a scar on my psyche. When combined with other difficult events and experiences, I reacted in probably the worst possible way: I felt sorry for myself.
When we face painful circumstances, it’s natural to feel grief, anger, or hurt. But we get into trouble when those feelings turn into a pity party. Why do I say this? Because, consciously or not, we adopt a victim mentality, with its devastating consequences.
I didn’t see it that way back then in high school, of course. All I knew was that I was hurting. It wasn’t until many years after graduation that I finally noticed a pattern of withdrawing from people and becoming very negative whenever difficulties arose, sometimes leading to passivity. All my efforts to reverse these destructive habits were for naught.
Over time, with God’s help, I finally understood the root of the problem: my self-pity. Frankly, I hadn’t even realized this was an issue! It had been buried so deep inside me that I had forgotten it was even there. Nonetheless, my ignorance didn’t keep it from wielding its destructive influence.
To this day, I remember when God made it abundantly clear that I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself. How did I know? I didn’t hear a loud voice or anything like that. I simply had a strong internal conviction I couldn’t ignore. This was the work of the Holy Spirit, who made it clear what the problem was and what I had to do. The choice was mine. So I told myself: My pity party ends today!
It’s never so simple, of course. But that decision set me firmly on the path toward freedom. It’s been a long process of change, but the more I’ve rejected self-pity, the easier it’s been. I’ve noticed that the negative consequences of feeling sorry for myself have mostly disappeared. Do I still struggle at times? Of course I do! However, when I find myself withdrawing or getting negative, I know what to do: kick that self-pity out the door!
All of us are different, but God can help each of us navigate life’s difficulties and rein in our negative emotions, no matter what they may be. The key is to listen to His voice and follow His instructions.